It's easy to appear outwardly "nice" though (and internet/reddit seems to lap it up in many cases). Not as easy to actually have integrity and be a good person outside of superficialities.
I argue with this all the time with my brother. I tell people that people can be a good daughter, good mom, good dad, good friend but doesn't mean theyre a good person. My brother thinks every nice person is a good person. Holding the door for someone? GOOD PERSON!
Nah. He just have always lived in rough neighborhoods and wants to see the good in everyone. People he knows have been murdered in front of him and he still thinks it’s fine to live there.
The one grace I'll give to cheating celebrities is that they probably experience a level of temptation normal people would never coke close to. They probably have 10/10's throwing themselves at them constantly.
He still chose to raw dog this woman, repeatedly. Rumor has it it’s a long term affair partner, not just a fling. That’s not him giving into temptation, that’s him disregarding his wife’s bodily autonomy, her consent, etc., all just so he can get laid. It’s a CHOICE, not a mistake.
He did it with girlfriends before he was married too - dude's got a selfishness problem. There are lots of flaws and foibles I'm willing to forgive people, but stuff like this is below that bar.
I don't think calculated is a good word choice there. It certainly isn't an "accident", but even murder suspects are charged differently if it's a crime of passion.
I don't know anything about Grohl's situation, but the one time I cheated, it definitely wasn't planned.
Shit, I should have replied to you. And this is not meant for you. But in thanks to you and in agreement with your post...
~~~~
It is ok to be a good person who messes up doing a bad thing. That is only human.
Everyone here has such high standards for other people and situations they know nothing about. Even for instances like bipolar, through which people can suffer hyper-sexuality.
I know there are no excuses. Only explainations. But it really ticks me off how perfect people on here and off think they are.
We all have no clue what someone else is going through. Stop the blaming and virtuosity. It's garbage.
I’ve seen so many people hate on those celebrities who cheat only for them to be friends with people who have cheated or still love their parents who did the same thing or have mentors who did the same thing.
It’s funny when you tell them that they are hypocrites.
Ok - as someone who’s NEVER cheated but gone through several glow ups to where I’ve received significantly more attention from very attractive women than before. It takes effort.
Further - virtue isn’t virtue unless there’s effort. So good for you for not choosing to be good. I’m way more impressed with people who have that choice and choose regardless.
Unless you've actually experienced having an endless stream of attractive people who would have casual sex with you given the slightest opportunity, you probably don't now how easy or hard it is
It is ok to be a good person who messes up by doing a bad thing. That is only human.
Everyone here has such high standards for people and situations they know nothing about. Even for instances like bipolar, through which people can suffer hyper-sexuality.
I know there are no excuses. Only explainations. But it really ticks me off how perfect people on here and off think they are.
We all have no clue what someone else is going through. Stop the blaming and virtuosity. It's garbage.
No one is blaming, in fact, I completely agree with you.
I'm all for giving people second chances if they are willing to acknowledge their wrong and whom they hurt, but also want to grow and make things right moving forward.
Based on his post, it looks like that's exactly what he's doing so I wish him nothing but the best.
This is him putting in that effort to be a good person.
Ageed. People in here are blaming and judging, though. Like a lot. So easy to pile on. Whilst in their own and anonymous glass houses.
And yes, he is just starting to do the work. I just wish it could have been private for him. As it is for the rest of us.
He has enough personal shame. And I wish he didn't have to feel and deal with it on such a massive and public scale. This is for him and his family to go through. I just hate celebrity culture and the voyerism we so clearly exhibit - and even enjoy. Like we should have a say. And to judge. Like we are all so much better.
We're all a bunch of hypocrites, in the end. And it is all too easy to try to tear someone else down. That it becomes popular. And rampant, even. So gross to me.
We all fuck up. Not necessarily in this manner. But we all fuck up. Full stop.
Problem is, in great part, we hold these public figures on a pedestal. The humanity of it all gets all but stripped away.
He doesn't get a pass for this. But I wish him and the others involved well. Gonna be hard for all. And with this gross public admonishment on top of it all.
Personality is how you respond on a typical day. Character is how you show up on your worst day.
It's easy to demonstrate fairness, integrity, and generosity when things are going well.
The real question is whether you stand by those values when the deck is stacked against you.
-Adam Grant
Being nice to a fan is easy. Being loyal to your partner in the face of lust and temptation, especially if you believe there won't be consequences, tests that character. Unfortunately, many fail.
According to every Clint Eastwood movie I've ever seen, the grumpiest, most outwardly hateful, meanest old cuss you know probably has more virtue and integrity than any other you know. Of course, that *might* not always be true.
Well I can also tell you from experience that some of the nicest people out there are also some of the fakest and least reliable when push comes to shove.
Then you find out that unicorn was just pretending to be nice and was really a horse with a horn taped on its head and is just as resentful and misanthropic as the rest. Then you wonder, were those rainbows even real or just a reflection of light?
It’s odd how many people have a 30 second interaction with a celebrity, the celebrity treats them like a human being, and then they are convinced the person is a saint for the rest of their lives lol
It’s bad when we overwhelmingly agree someone is great and then shower them with praise, money, etc. and protect them from deserved criticism. We then elevate not the best people to positions of extreme power
Nobody here is protecting him from deserved criticism. And nobody "showered him with money" because they thought he was nice. People paid money for music and concert experiences
Actually plenty of folks in the comments are catching bullets for him for no reason. Dude cheated on his wife, which is objectively shitty. He has also benefited and profited from his positive rep over all these years. Nothing exists in a vaccuum and your argument is not only stupid, it's made in bad faith. Byee.
Nothing exists in a vaccuum and your argument is not only stupid, it's made in bad faith. Byee.
If you're young or simple enough to think nuance is "stupid" or "in bad faith," you're probably also too young to know that his biggest hit songs were written about and/or with previous affair partners he's had. He's never hidden this part of himself
People only want to believe in the good of people with wealth or higher status. Ask them if they believe in the good of people with lesser wealth or whom they perceive as lower status and then tell me how much people in the good of other people.
People subscribe to the just world hypothesis because realising that life sucks and good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people makes people uncomfortable.
Yeah I agree with that, I don’t think people should make them into amazing people or horrible people… reading into some tiny interaction just doesn’t mean anything though
It goes the other way too. Someone meets a celebrity when maybe the celebrity is not at 100% for whatever reason, and then some random stranger knows what that celebrity is "really like" based on a 5 minute interaction.
Yeah but most people also arent treated like gods and put on a pedestal above everybody else. You have to be pretty down to earth to not let universal worship and riches to go to your head. Most people cant get promoted to manager of a fucking grocery store without looking down their noses at their peers
I think though, with celebrities, every bad interaction (no matter how minor) gets blown up over socials etc. So I think over his long career we can glean he’s a generally nice person.
That is true. I met Dave in Napa about 13 years ago. He seems very nice and chill. Maybe it’s because we always hear of celebrities being jerks and not signing a kid’s jersey or something petty. Dave signed my ball
Not to say right or wrong, but if he was on the road with his pick of hot groupies, this is no surprise. Pretty sure more rock stars and athletes go this route than not. As long as she was an adult and it was consensual, he didn't break any laws. That doesn't make it 5 he is no Ryan Adams.
Or maybe he was just going through some shit with his wife and someone else made him feel appreciated and wanted. Marriage is hard, and long ones give you time to feel really alone sometimes when things aren't going great.
yeah being nice is different than being a good person. cheating is always immoral, it's always a intentional choice to disrespect another human being for your own selfish desires. and you are excusing him, and being kind of misandrist suggesting most nice and moral men are ultimatley incapable of sexual self-control and caring about another human more than their penis. Garbage take.
In no way did they excuse it, they said they understand it. Understanding is not excusing.
and being kind of misandrist suggesting most nice and moral men are ultimatley incapable of sexual self-control and caring about another human more than their penis.
It's been 12 years of mostly bliss so far. But who's able to predict the future? Catch someone's partner during a rough patch or a "settler" with good enough looks and they could jump.
People grow, regress, or change in values through the years. Others are just waiting for better. At least I'm not the latter type.
People grow, regress, or change in values through the years. Others are just waiting for better. At least I'm not the latter type.
I wouldn't trust myself to turn down a night with prime Kate Upton 10 out of 10 times.
You literally are and just said so lmao, be so for real. Go tell your wife you would actually cheat on her if kate upton(or another woman you consider 10/10) gave you the chance.
Or people are complicated. Dude cheated on his wife. That sucks but he didn’t bomb a nation. Infidelity happens. Nobody is perfect, except for on Reddit.
Yeah, I have a hard time condemning someone I don't know for cheating. I'd leave that to the person who was cheated on.
'Cheating' is something people define differently in the first place. If your SO is okay with you sleeping with others, is that cheating? Not in my book at least, although some think otherwise. And "emotional infidelity" - e.g. someone stops talking with and being close with their partner while confiding and finding comfort with another - can easily be a worse thing than a "physical" infidelity, IMO. Or what about someone in a loveless (or even abusive) relationship that they can't or don't have the strength to end for one reason or another, but find love with someone outside it? Is the technicality of their vows really more important than the content of the relationship? Or.. if someone's unfaithful, regrets it, begs forgiveness and gets it - are you still supposed to condemn them even when the actually-wronged party doesn't?
So it depends on what happened, what the couple's relationship was like, and a ton of other stuff is highly intimate and personal - I can't bring myself to judge anyone when I know nothing of that. If I was a personal friend of Grohl and his wife and knew more about the situation, I might have an opinion, but not as it stands. Bear also in mind that gossiping about the thing may well do more damage than the actual cheating, depending on the circumstances.
My ex boyfriend was the "the nicest guy ever" according to his female friends. He is actually an emotionally abusive asshole behind closed doors. He sexually assaulted me after we broke up. So whenever someone says that so and so is "so nice" I wonder how much of that is a front. My guess is a lot.
He's donated millions to different charities over the years, among other good deeds that took effort and planning.
Cheating on a spouse doesn't erase every good thing a person and done. If doing something awful made a person inherently bad, we'd all be inherently bad
It's not hidden that Evermore is written both about and with a woman he was cheating on his first wife with. This isn't new or hidden -- he plays it at every concert still.
The internet generally eats whatever you give them. Anyone can craft an image of what they want the online character to be perceived as. Just have to be two steps ahead.
I mean he does a lot of good things tbh. I’m not gonna defend his cheating, but cheating is the only time I’ve heard of him doing something truly terrible
No-one can always be good and always have integrity though. That's an impossible standard to reach. All humans are fallable and make mistakes - even those with integrity. I'm speaking in the general sense. What I mean is, if a person owns up to an error and works to rectify it, that is also integrity.
Yup Reddit has this weird idol fantasy with any celebrity that literally acts polite as if that shouldn't be the norm. Everyday people act similar and yet they don't get glazed.
It’s not even about appearing nice. It’s totally normal for someone to be nice to you but end up being a piece of shit to someone else. Doesn’t mean they were being fake or superficial to you.
I think this is just a reality that a lot of people struggle to accept. You don't have to be a good person to be a kind person.
Kind people genuinely care about the people around them and want to do right by them. They try to prevent pain and create happiness where they can. But they too can still struggle with overwhelming desires to do the wrong thing, which occasionally ends in them living a guilt-filled double life (where they try to meet these desires and avoid harming people in the process). The aspect that makes them kind -- the consideration of other people -- is still there, but just because you care about someone and worry about hurting them doesn't mean you have the self-discipline and (as you said) the integrity to do what you know you should.
So I do believe Dave Grohl genuinely is a kind person, and his kindness isn't faked. However, he lacks the integrity to draw a line and he betrayed his wife/family's trust
Please talk to us about integrity when you’re super rich and one of the most famous/recognizable people on the planet. I’m not excusing it, but people like him live in a world where they’re insanely privileged also almost everyone they encounter on a daily basis wants something from them or a piece of them. And in this case, some woman literally got a piece of him.
appearing outwardly "nice" on reddit doesn't even require you to do anything, as long as you're a man in entertainment over the age of 30 and you haven't been credibly accused of assault multiple times they'll just assume you're nice by default
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u/hawkeye224 14d ago
It's easy to appear outwardly "nice" though (and internet/reddit seems to lap it up in many cases). Not as easy to actually have integrity and be a good person outside of superficialities.