r/AmIOverreacting • u/TheDingoAteMyJawa • 12h ago
AIO my husband ate all my food ❤️🩹 relationship
TDLR at the end.
So I just had surgery on my stomach and intestines almost 2 weeks ago.
Because of the surgery, I have to adhere to a very strict diet until I’m fully healed. If I stray from the diet, it could cause severe complications and possibly lead to death. So for the first two weeks after surgery, I can only eat (drink?) a full liquid diet. The most solid thing I can eat is pudding. I can’t even have soup with any chunks of veg/meat in it, even if they’re soft. There’s not a lot of variety to choose from and I’m not having a good time AT ALL. Plus I’m still having pain from the procedure and some nausea and I’ve had to go in for IV fluids and iron twice now.
Prior to surgery, I meal prepped for myself and for the family so I wouldn’t have to worry about it after. I made meals for myself for every stage of the diet and with specific macros/ingredients to meet my needs and comply with my other health problems - for example, I have celiac disease so everything has to be gluten free. I also follow a low sugar/low carb diet so everything had to comply with that as well.
I also made meals for him and our son - meals SPECIFICALLY requested by him. I stocked up on snacks they liked and asked for. We also have a fairly strict budget right now, so I made everything from scratch to save some money. About 1/4 of everything I made is in the freezer attached to our fridge for convenience sake, the rest is in the deep freeze in the garage.
So most of the meals in the house freezer are gone so I went out to the garage to restock. ALL of the meals I’d made for myself are GONE. Just completely emptied out. I’m really upset because I have no energy right now to make more - living off of liquids and having anemia will do that to a person. My diet is (hopefully!) progressing to soft solids tomorrow, so I was really excited to be able to eat some of the food I’d made.
I asked him about it and he blamed it on our son first. Which I know is BS because the kid hates all of my special food with a passion lol. There’s no way he’d be sneaking my food. So I questioned my husband again. He admitted to it, said he’d been taking my meals to work as his lunch because he was “too tired to make his own lunch” before work. He has always made his own lunch up until now. He also said he was “bored” with the lunches he makes and my food provided “variety”.
I am EXHAUSTED. This recovery period is kicking my ass. Before surgery, I ran a mile every day. Now, I barely have enough energy to walk up the stairs. I’m not supposed to lift more than 10 lbs. I’m not supposed to do anything more strenuous than walking. Even taking a shower is tiring right now. The anemia, dehydration, and lack of proper nutrition is making it worse.
So when he admitted to taking my food, I just started crying. He hasn’t been much help after surgery, my son (11yo) has been doing all the lifting for me and helping me with chores and cooking. When I started crying, he got disgusted and told me I was overreacting and being a baby. He refuses to make me new meals, he refuses to help me make new meals, he says it’s been almost 2 weeks and I should be able to do stuff on my own.
At this point, I’m seriously considering divorce. I mean, my son and I are already doing everything on our own already. And I know my kid won’t eat my diet food. Am I overreacting?
ALSO: I just found out he’s raided my non-perishable food stores in the pantry. It was mostly sugar free jello and pudding, stuff I can eat on the liquid diet. Pretty much everything is gone, except for some sugar free orange jello.
TDLR: I am on a special diet due health issues and recent surgery. I meal prepped meals for myself and for the family so I wouldn’t have to deal with it while recovering from surgery. My husband ate ALL of my diet food without telling me and says I’m overreacting for being upset. Am I overreacting?
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u/Panserbjornsrevenge 11h ago edited 10h ago
This is wildly malicious.
There's a lot going on here, but let's think. You made liquid, gluten-free, sugar-free food obviously for surgical recovery, and he took it for lunch??? He suddenly got a massive craving for sugar-free puddings and soups? That is not what a fully functional healthy person chooses to eat when given a choice. Do you really think he decided to eat liquid lunches for two weeks because he was "too tired" to make a sandwich? Do you really think he found them to be filling meals full of variety? If you are miserable on this diet, why would he subscribe to it voluntarily?
He took the food to punish you for being sick.
This is absolutely divorce territory. At best it was incompetence, at worst it was malicious. Either way, his response to your understandable, exhausting crying is all you need to know. He has no remorse and he will not care for you. And when you can't care for him, he will punish you.
You should leave for your own health and safety.
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u/Scorpy-yo 11h ago
I think it’s very possible he just threw them out and didn’t eat them. Ate something else he bought or made. I also think he was taking multiple meals per day. If I understand correctly, in two weeks she has eaten a quarter of what she prepared (presumably three meals per day-worth) and he has eaten THREE TIMES THAT. I bet he was smirking every morning when he stole three servings of her special diet sick food.
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u/Aolflashback 4h ago
Okay, honestly, this sounds so spot on!!!
BUT it made me have a crazy thought/flash in my mind of him making her sick by contaminating her special foods, not in this instance, but possibly in the past. It just seems to fit. The fuck.
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u/Neenknits 10h ago
Sounds like OP had a gastric bypass (likely not a sleeve, that doesn’t change intestines, and the liquid only part is longer). The recovery diet for this is brutal. It’s also an awful diet, and it’s unbelievable that her husband ate it. He tossed it. There is a lot going on behind the scenes.
Possibly, if I’m right that it’s the bypass, that he feels some sort of benefit from OP’s weight, and he doesn’t want her to lose weight. I think OP needs to get out of there for her own health and well being.
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u/I_AM_theGODDESS 7h ago
I had a portion of my colon removed due to diverticulitis and OP’s recovery mimics mine almost exactly. She needs support. That surgery was no joke
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u/Rebel_Mom_x3 6h ago
My momma had the same surgery. Almost a foot of her colon, shit is no joke.
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u/Junior-Worry-2067 5h ago
My husband had a foot removed as well. It was a terrible recovery.
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u/beigs 6h ago
I almost had something similar for endometriosis, and luckily two very skilled surgeons prevented this.
My husband cooked all my food regardless and took time off work to help me recover. I’ve had 8 major surgeries and 3 babies in the last 10 years and he has utterly cared for me during this period.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 8h ago
OP is celic, complications often involve removing part of the intestines.
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u/producerofconfusion 6h ago
Are you possibly thinking of Crohn’s? I have celiac and was very, very, very ill when I was diagnosed and surgery was never mentioned. None of my celiac friends have had surgery for it either unless they have a comorbid condition. Crohn’s is an autoimmune disease as well but the surgery rate for Crohn’s is pretty high.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 6h ago
My niece is celiac and had to have part of hers removed from complications. 🤷♀️
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u/AromaticHydrocarbons 9h ago
He could potentially be overweight himself but maybe considered himself the healthier of the two and had some weird superiority due to that. And now he’s worried she’ll lose more weight than him and be the healthier person and therefore be superior in his twisted mind.
Obviously this is not fact, but there’s definitely some deep seated sabotage going on here, because no one would choose liquid lunches when he could just as easily be eating the dinners she prepped for him for his lunch if he didn’t feel like making his own.
I would also suggest that a gastric bypass, being an elective surgery, means he hasn’t put the effort in to process and coach himself to be compassionate for her situation.
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u/Far-Fix-529 5h ago
Gastric bypass was not an elective surgery for me. My GERD was so horrendous that it was a necessity to stave off having stomach cancer later. OP is in between a rock and a hard place. Surgery is brutal and the recovery period is longer than 2 weeks. I believe he threw her food away to punish her for not being his personal maid in her time of recovery. It’s only going to get worse and she should begin to get an exit plan for her and her son immediately.
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u/horseshoecrabracer 8h ago
I think it’s more likely that it was surgery to remove scar tissue in the intestines since OP mentioned celiac.
Now can everybody stop fighting about whether fat people exercise? 😌
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u/phoenix-corn 9h ago
Or he wants her to lose weight faster by simply eating nothing. :(
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u/KY-Belle-1102 7h ago
Or he doesn’t want her to lose weight so she stays dependent and controllable to him.
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u/Deep-Internal-2209 5h ago
She has celiac disease. She may have had to have surgery to repair some of the damage done to her intestinal track.
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u/Unusual-Sympathy-205 10h ago
I wonder if he even ate most of that stuff or if he just took it and pitched it. Whichever, this is deliberate.
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u/Nuicakes 9h ago
This should be the top comment and I hope OP reads this. His actions were dangerously malicious.
OP, how would you feel if he stole your medications and painkillers? Because that's essentially what he did.
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u/DivineExodus 9h ago
This is so well written and took a point of view I didnt even see, the punishment aspect. I'd bet he didnt even eat them, just threw them out and bought stuff from a store to make OP do some housework.. what a vile, small man.
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u/kitkat4757 10h ago
This is 100% correct re: punishment - did you know that men are 7x more likely to leave their sick spouse then the other way around
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u/NicolleL 11h ago
For the meals, the ones from the garage freezer were the non-liquid ones that OP planned to eat when they could eat solid foods, but still gluten free, low sugar/low carb, and likely pretty bland if they were the next step from a liquid diet. And he also raided quite a bit of the non-perishable snack items that OP could have on the liquid diet.
Regardless, this is still absolutely malicious. And so incredibly selfish. I just cannot imagine someone who promised OP they would love them in sickness and health then doing something like this. That man is horrible.
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u/rnewscates73 9h ago
I think he still made his own lunches and simply threw your special meals away for simple maliciousness - deliberate cruelty. No other explanation makes any sense. And gaslighting you. Total grounds for divorce!
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u/SivakoTaronyutstew 7h ago edited 7h ago
This is outright torture. They don't even deprive food from prisoners. It may be a bit of a jump but I would be thinking to call emergency services for help since she physically cannot prepare more food for herself and her husband is unwilling to help. She's anemic and he's starving her after a major surgery. She could faint! If she tries to eat food before she's ready, she could die! She needs help so much right now.
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u/No-Profit-9500 11h ago
There are so many red flags in this post. Leave this man child. You are not his parent- you are his partner!! He should want to be there and help you while you’re going through this but instead he’s making your life more difficult? Hell no.
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u/EquivalentCookie6449 11h ago
This would make me hate him and lose whatever respect for him was left. NOR. What a lazy cunt. I don’t use that word lightly either.
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u/Resident_Fudge_7270 11h ago
Lazy is not enough. This was malice.
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u/lynxpoint 5h ago
Exactly. At best he’s lazy, thoughtless, and stupid. But far more likely he’s malicious, harmful, and scary. Actively working against her during a time when she most needs support!!
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u/pumpkin-patch85 11h ago
He's a narcissist and he 200 percent did this on purpose.
Divorce immediately.
Force him to do 50/50 custody.
He always made his lunches before...then suddenly when you're home from surgery, suddenly he found no other option. Not take out, not any other option than to steal his wife's special needed medical foods Nope. That's level 200 evil on the narcissist scale.
Then when you get upset and try to hold him accountable he calls you a baby.
Oh helllllllll no.
Call his parents and tell them what he did.
Call yours and get them to take you in.
File for divorce.
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u/MannyMoSTL 10h ago edited 10h ago
This is a: You’re not divorcing him because he ate your prepped meals … You’re divorcing him because he’s super selfish and has never supported you or helped with, well, anything. Not only does he expect you to do everything-all-the-time, but he left you to fend for yourself after major, life changing surgery. And expected his own 11yr old son to be the one to help you physically do anything.
I worry that OP has to stay married for health insurance coverage - at least in the immediate future. That said?
Please: Divorce this misogynistic narcissist.
ETA: I’m sorry that it’s come to a bunch of internet stranger telling you this, but, if you’ve ever wondered if he loves you? He doesn’t.
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u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 10h ago
Open enrollment for ACA plans starts next month. Don't stay for the insurance. BTW my ex had to keep me on his insurance until the month the divorce agreement was signed.
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u/imdadnotdaddy 9h ago
Also, divorce or losing your insurance counts as change in household in the US and gives you a special enrollment period.
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u/FloofyDireWolf 10h ago
Totally agree ^
He ate her meals to punish her for him not being the center of attention because of her medical emergency. He is a true PoS.
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u/MarbleousMel 7h ago
And add: you’re divorcing him because you could die as a result of his actions. He has intentionally done something knowing you can die. You are not safe.
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u/melrosec07 11h ago
I 100% agree! Reading this made me really angry and sad at the same time, this man is a POS! 🤬
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u/OldBroad1964 11h ago
I can’t upvote this enough. He’s showing you who he is. Dump his whiny, food stealing ass.
If anything you are under reacting
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u/blubberfucker69 10h ago
I’m autistic and have food sensory issues and when I make myself specific meals and snacks, my boyfriend avoids them like the plague.
He hates how little I eat as it is, and when I start a nice hyperfixation on a certain kind of food he buys me a bunch so I’ll eat more than I usually do.
He’s just my boyfriend too.
I could NEVER be with a “man” who would do shit like that. Both you AND your son are better off.
I hope he needs surgery at some point and is fucking miserable because no one will take care of him. What a disgusting human being.
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u/Love2Read0815 11h ago
Makes me wonder what else he does that she ignores.
OP- Totally intentional to take your food. Why would he want to eat that? He probably tossed it in the garbage at work.
There is a digital book- “why does he do that?” That you may want to read. Not sure if this link will work: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I hope you get out asap. Your son needs a lot of therapy if he’s exposed to this stuff, he can’t learn that this behavior is ok.
Good luck ❤️
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u/WhatHasEvenHappened 10h ago
I don’t know if you could trust him to take care of a child on his own if he can’t control himself well enough to not eat the only food in the house that isn’t for him.
OP he sounds like a vindictive, narcissistic, asshole- you deserve so much better than someone who can’t even do the bare minimum, and especially at a time like this. Oh and screw leaving the house, call his parents and fill them in, then kick him out and make him crawl back to them! Sending good & healing vibes!
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u/cubemissy 10h ago
If your parents can’t take you in, put out an emergency call on social media, with a list of the foods you could digest now, and say WHY you need them.
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u/Sure-Major-199 10h ago
Commenting for visibility and to say what a goddamn shithead narcissist. I have so much hate for him. Good luck, OP.
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u/Conscious_Owl6162 10h ago
She should file for divorce, but probably not immediately since she’s probably too weak. She should get the ball rolling by calling a pitbull divorce lawyer and just go scorched earth on him.
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u/knitwell 10h ago
‘Call his parents..’ is hilarious.
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u/pumpkin-patch85 10h ago
Is it? Or is it good so when he runs home to play the victim they understand what a pos he is
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u/Medievalmoomin 11h ago
That’s disgusting. I’m really sorry. You are not overreacting. It’s a really insidious form of controlling behaviour to eat all of someone’s food, especially knowing that you have a lot of food restrictions and can’t just order in. It shows an alarming lack of empathy for you and your post-op recovery.
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u/autisticbulldozer 11h ago
i feel like he specifically waited until she was at her weakest point to do this
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u/BecGeoMom 11h ago
Your husband is a total shit. And I am being nice.
First of all, I can’t believe you cooked for every-fucking-body in the house before your surgery. You made sure they had what they wanted to eat, you made life so easy for him, and he ate all of YOUR food. On purpose. He didn’t do it because he was too goddamn lazy to make his own lunch suddenly, or because he wanted “variety.” What bullshit. He ate your food to hurt you. And no other reason.
Of course, this is who he is: an abusive asshole. And he always has been, even before your surgery. He doesn’t give a shit about you. You had SURGERY, and the only way he could be less caring and helpful is if he came in with a loaf of bread and shoved it down your throat while punching you in the stomach.
I can see no reason for you to stay in this marriage. Your husband brings nothing to the table. Money is tight, and it’s your son who is helping you. I can see only an improvement in your life without him in it.
What a fuckwad. I cannot imagine a scenario in which I am sick, injured, or recovering, and my husband tells me to get over it and stop being a baby. Kick his ass out.
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u/Beatleslover4ever1 11h ago
He just showed you how little he cares for you. Instead of helping you, he’s hurting you, being a terrible role model to his son, and disrespecting you. You deserve better!
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u/Senator_Bink 11h ago
At this point, I’m seriously considering divorce.
That sounds reasonable.
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u/NoDisaster3 10h ago
I’d be considering worse
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u/Senator_Bink 10h ago
She probably doesn't have the physical strength right now, but yeah.
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u/_Futureghost_ 8h ago
I'd divorce immediately. Without him around her, stress levels would drop significantly. If she doesn't, then she has no one to blame but herself. This isn't a second chance kinda deal.
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u/Remarkable_Sea_1062 11h ago
You’re not overreacting. You’re under reacting. Your husband is a disgusting pig. He knew that you had made those meals for your recovery period. He’s lower than the dirt under my shoes. Start planning your exit. This man has no redeeming qualities.
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u/eccatameccata 11h ago
This sounds like a surgery my niece went through. Her husband not only cooked for the entire family (3 kids), he would do grocery store runs for her.
I am so angry on your behalf. You meal prepped not only for you but also for him. This is going beyond and above. Please, please know that you deserve more.
It sounds like he is trying to sabotage you because he doesn’t want you to get better.
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u/livinthedreamlife1 8h ago
I was looking for this comment. I agree. He doesn't want her to get better. How awful.
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u/ExpertChart7871 10h ago
I don’t think your husband ate one bit of that food. I think he threw it away to punish you for some twisted reason. No person would choose to eat liquid, gluten free, sugar free food - especially when you made him food that he specifically requested for himself. Your husband is terrible and you are right to want a divorce. He’s supposed to be there for you in sickness and in health - and instead he is sabotaging your health and recovery. You are not over-reacting. His behavior is something counseling cannot cure. He is a horrible, horrible man. I am so sorry OP.
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u/PrayForMojo_ 7h ago
Exactly my thought. Even a psycho narcissist would leave some of her meals just to cover his tracks. He definitely threw it out.
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u/eatingShrimp 12h ago
That is sooo not cool. Is ridiculous you had to prep food for everyone before the surgery. He really needs to step up. Marriage is a partnership…you help each other out.
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u/pancakes4all 9h ago
Honestly, I was already thinking he was a crap husband when I read that she was prepping meals for everyone before her surgery. Is he not capable of getting off his ass and cooking?
Only got worse from there, this can’t be the first time he’s displayed this kind of behaviour. I will never understand why women put up with these types of men. Leave this loser, you and your son will be much better off.
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u/bleebloobleebl 11h ago
This is disgusting behavior. NOR. I don’t usually jump to suggesting divorce but this just screams that as a necessity. As someone who also has celiac disease, I struggle enough as it is to have good GF food. I can only imagine how this feels. I wanna punch this guy’s lights out
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u/chilicrock_21 11h ago
Whoa that’s pretty evil. Seriously evil and cause for divorce and I dont say that lightly
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u/twitchykeyboard 12h ago
He is putting only his needs first. He isnt there for you and doesnt sound like he cares. Why do you want to stay with someone like that? You deserve a lot better.
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u/2ndcupofcoffee 11h ago
Wow! He really really believes you exist to serve him and he is angry that he has to care about you at all. The trouble you went to cover all bases had him making a very determined effort to ruin your recovery.
Do you realize how serious a declaration he is making here!
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u/Ready-Conflict-1887 11h ago
Top of that, he blames his 11 years old. Who is the one helping his mother during this time. If you can’t Divorce him for yourself do it for your kid.
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u/buttrfingrcheesecake 12h ago
No . You’re not overreacting. Excuse me. But, sounds like he’s the asshole. He knows what you went through and are going through. He’s lying when he says he doesn’t have enough energy to make a lunch meat sandwich to pack for work. It really does not take that much to make a salami(or whatever) sandwich. That was cruel of him to eat all of the meals you had set up for yourself. Least he could have done there was ask. I could keep ranting. I would never, ever do that to my spouse. IMO, you have every right to be upset.
Edited for spelling.
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u/a_beautiful_kappa 11h ago
This is so sad. I'm so sorry. He should be caring for you. You're so vulnerable right now and he's making everything worse for no reason. What a selfish ah.
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u/Wish-ga 11h ago
Man-child taking the food.
Four year old thinking to lie about it.
His attitude, actions and then his nasty reaction to your understandable distress is beyond cruel.
You would probably be relieved to have just you & your son together. He sounds like he’s a helpful & caring young guy.
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u/GlitteringFool 11h ago
Sounds like he doesn't respect you and that you're just an afterthought - divorce worthy imo . Are you always disregarded by him? I don't think you're over reacting, probably under reacting
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u/RedHolly 11h ago
NOR, honestly, under reacting. He did this to provoke you and I think you know this. You had other meals prepped. If he needed stuff for work he could have taken those. He wanted a reaction from you and he got it. He wanted to make you upset. This is abusive behavior. Don’t let your son grow up around this. You know what you need to do. Take care of yourself and your real child first. Let this man child live off ramen while he pays child support and alimony.
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u/Frenchmarket_girl 11h ago
The fact that you did all that prep work for the whole family and he knew you had to have these particular foods shows he only cares about himself. What does he expect you to do??
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u/Icy-Doctor23 11h ago
Not overreacting Your husband is very inconsiderate, uncaring, not helpful at all
Reach out to family and friends. Tell them what happened and that you need some assistance with meals and lifting items and tell your husband that you’re considering divorce.
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u/KristaIG 11h ago
Yes! Please reach out to friends/family if they are an option. I would absolutely jump to help a friend and even more so if her husband was a complete ass.
This is so dangerous for you and inappropriate and hurtful from him.
I would likely be thinking about ending the relationship as well once you are able.
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u/sokmunkey 10h ago
Not ‘considering’ .. she needs to do it. This horrible person she is saddled with is just hurting her deliberately.
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u/Vicious_Lilliputian 11h ago
You are not overreacting. I have no idea how you refrained from kicking him out immediately. He is a narcissist and he is gaslighting you.
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u/Academic-Wall-3101 11h ago
Yep, he did it to punish you for being sick and thereby not able to attend to his needs enough. Total narcissist abuse.
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u/Farm_girl_Bee 11h ago
That is NOT what partnership is about. I'm sorry your husband is so selfish. He sh be working on replacing everything.
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u/Shytemagnet 11h ago
I truly hope you understand that he did this on purpose. He is deliberately trying to break you down. He wants to hurt you so you feel too low to ever leave him, or stick up for yourself.
I would 1000% divorce over this. Your life is on the line, and he doesn’t care at all. I’m so sorry.
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u/taphin33 11h ago
Sounds like once you're recovered you should consider divorcing the loser who made you meal prep for your surgery not only your own special meals but his regular ones too, then ate your special medical food.
He'll totally say you divorced him over something trivial but he's expecting you to be his maid and chef for nothing in return and isn't even helping you post surgery??? It'd be less stress and work not to have him around.
Your 11 year old is acting like more of a man than him, and you don't need to waste your life being the second mother/nanny to an already grown man. Order a cheap lockbox and Instacart yourself some groceries in the time being. I've been on medical diets before and some Ensure/meal replacement liquid can be stored shelf temp inside a lockable container.
If you have family, ask someone to come stay and help you, he might be actively trying to make you weak or put you at risk for medical complications. He's punishing you for daring to stop working as his full time assistant and chef, NO ONE eats medical liquid diet for "variety".
Read "Why Does He DO That" by Lundy Bancroft I'm sure you'll recognize serval other behaviors your husband exhibits that are abusive. Even outside of abuse, being uncared for in sickness is a legitimate reason for divorce. You think someone like him is good to have around when you're aging and inevitably become ill? He'll be the first person to divorce you for getting cancer, like a ton of other men do.
You're just useful and convenient to help him, but he hates you.
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u/Big-Fruit-3537 10h ago
Fellow very strict diet here. Your story made me cry. Your husband is a worthless peace of shit. So sorry. Not overreacting.
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u/mare__bare 11h ago
NOR at all. You should be planning for divorce right after you order a grocery delivery. He is a horrible person and you need to kick his ass to the curb. I'm so mad for you! What a f*cking AH!!!
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u/MeasurementDouble324 11h ago
NOR. He doesn’t seem to actually CARE about you let alone love you. He doesn’t respect you or have an ounce of empathy. He clearly isn’t with you in sickness and in health, he’s only still there because apparently you make his life easier sometimes. You’re better off without him.
Hope you recover quickly.
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u/lumoslomas 11h ago
You're not overreacting, you're UNDER REACTING.
This was a highly calculated move. He left you with NO FOOD whilst you're in an extremely vulnerable place. This was malicious and intentional.
Divorce his ass YESTERDAY.
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u/Technical-Owl-3362 11h ago
That's so evil. This post made me so sad. Definitely NOR. I wish I could hug you, girl. Best wishes for you and your boy. It sounds like that blob husband should be gone like your sickness.
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u/anngab6033 11h ago
Sounds like he was intentionally trying to hurt you and sabotage your health. But why? Why does he hate you so much? Was he opposed to you getting the surgery? Was he prone to this behavior before the surgery? Will he make up for what he’s done and fix it? If he’s so cruel and heartless, I don’t know how to repair that damage.
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u/leightyinchanclas 11h ago
Not overreacting. I’m so so sorry you’re in that position. What he did was unkind, and sounds deliberate from your description.
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u/peachyhhh 11h ago
I got angry for you just reading this. He'd get in the kitchen and fix this now or he'd need to go find somewhere else to stay 🤷♂️
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u/Serious_Blueberry_38 11h ago
You are not overreacting this was malicious and frankly an attempt to harm you he knew that you could not have anything else and he took that?!? He could've bought a sandwich taken the meals you prepped for him and the kid?
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u/MrsGivens 11h ago
By any chance was your surgery a gastric bypass or similar?
I only ask because this SMACKS of sabotage, every aspect of it.
NOR. In fact, you’re handling this far better than I would be.
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u/HotSauceRainfall 8h ago
Every inch of this is sabotage and punishing OP for being ill.
“You should be over it by now” motherfucker would have sat in on all the pre and post op care appointments. Lifting restrictions will be at least 6 weeks. He KNEW.
I hope OP is safe and can kick his dusty ass to the curb.
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u/ShieldmaidenK 11h ago
You're not over-reacting. You went in for surgery with strict recovery protocol. Your prepared yourself and your household for that recovery protocol (which, in itself is unfair - is he lazy/useless regularly? does he ever step up and do the bare minimum as an adult in a house in which he lives and eats?), and went above and beyond for what you should have had to do so he didn't have to do any of it.....and then he effectively cuts you off at your knees.
At this point I wouldn't say he doesn't care about you - I'd say he has malice for you, and is displaying narc traits (acting out because he's not the center of attention while you're ill, sabotaging things you spent time on, refusing to care for someone other than himself-or even himself because that's your job, getting pissed off at being forced into accountability, getting angry at your emotions).
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this while at such a low point. Once you recover I suggest a thorough evaluation on what he brings to your life and whether you feel there is balance there between what he brings in and what he takes out (resources, time, energy). This would be a huge eye-opener for me. He doesn't respect you or cherish you. Would he have gone to such effort to prep for something like that, or would he just expect you to wait on him hand and foot? And if you didn't, what would his reaction be? What happens if your health takes another turn for the worse, and you end up battling cancer or something degenerative and you can no longer cook and clean and care for him? He would leave you.
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u/wanderingexmo 11h ago
Oh I’d be done with that jackass. What a tool. Absolute disregard for you and your health.
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u/Cdavert 9h ago
I totally sympathize.
I was extremely sick with ulcerative colitis.
My ex drove me to the hospital but never visited until I was released. He was a selfish bastard.
He drove me to my parents' house so they could take care of me.
I was so sick, I really thought I was dying.
Little by little, I started healing.
All I ate was broth and jello.
I was so weak , I couldn't lift my cat, who was maybe 5 pounds.
Anyway, when I was able to eat some solid foods, my Mom made my favorite foods, and my shithead husband came to get me.
I was still extremely weak. I went to the fridge to heat up the food from my Mom and the shithead and his shithead son, ate it all!
I felt so defeated and asked him wtf?
He said it was good food, and why would I be upset?
I spent 15 years with this asshole.
He drained my 401k.
Fleeced my Dad out of 13, 000 dollars and continues to blame me because I divorced him.
He's the biggest lowlife, self-centered loser, I had the unfortunate karma to meet.
Please, please don't be like me.
Know this is no normal, and you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you.
Throw him in the dumpster!
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u/Comprehensive-Sun954 11h ago
He hates you. Sorry to say it.
And maybe he’s trying to seriously harm or murder you as punishment for getting sick or infirm in the first place. Even if it’s a gastric bypass or elective surgery, it doesn’t matter what you got it for, he hates you and he wants to hurt you badly.
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u/Independent-Brick-53 11h ago
Divorce! I don’t say that lightly but MY GOD what a selfish, vicious person. I’m so sorry you were dealing with this during recovery from surgery.
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u/sagetrees 10h ago
Does he have a large life insurance policy on you by any chance?
This asshole is trying to kill you.
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u/stuckinnowhereville 10h ago
Divorce. He has shown through ACTIONS AND WORDS he won’t be there when you need to count on him.
He’s selfish. He’s a jerk. He’s not worth staying with
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u/Least-History-4320 10h ago
I know people run to the word divorce, and it's not always the answer, but holy cow, please divorce this POS. He real has shown his true colors. I hope you don't do a damn little thong for that man. I feel so bad for you and am sorry you're going through this.
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u/KeyLeek6561 11h ago
Maybe he doesn't care about your recovery. Get help asap or go back to the hospital
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u/high-as-the-clouds 11h ago
If you know JoJo from 90s 2000s, she says "leave, get out, it's the end of you and me" You should be telling him this. Narcissistic, gaslighting, toxic husband of yours should be kicked to the curb. That's so fucked up, I would of been screaming mad. I deal with chronic health and have to eat certain ways. If someone ate my food I can only eat, I can't fathom how mad I'd be. Divorce this fool and make him make his own damn food. Or stop doing shit for him and I bet he starts making you feel bad when he could also do things himself. If he won't help or replace them and your son is only one helping you. Please divorce. Save you more of your time of a headache. I'm sure your son sees it too. What a disgusting fool.
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u/dummythiccbish 11h ago
not overreacting. as someone who’s been on 6 liquid diets for medical reasons, all for 6 week periods, the last thing you need is someone taking away the only food you can have. even with no one taking my food like this i was miserable and cranky all the time, i couldn’t imagine the rage i’d be feeling if i were you.
your husband is an asshole, and honestly this sounds very purposeful and abusive. i would be re-evaluating the relationship
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u/NOLACenturion 10h ago
Wow. Just wow. I’m sorry if you still have strong feelings for him, but for those of us not emotionally invested, your husband is an Assclown. My wife Just went through minor foot surgery. Nothing like what you have had. And for the first two weeks I waited on her for whatever she needed. I cooked, I cleaned, I went to store, handled everything. That’s what spouses do. Your husband is a lazy selfish pig. Sorry. But that’s it. When you have enough physical strength, I’d pack my shit and hit the door. If he can’t take care of you now, in fact, deliberately ate what you needed health wise? He’s a puke. Dump this asswipe
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u/Expensive-Grape-9393 10h ago
I would contact an attorney now. He sounds like a horrible person. Look my husband is fucking lazy but I cannot IMAGINE him doing something this MEAN to me!! What an inconsiderate fucking prick!!
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u/DirtyFeetandJoy 10h ago
No, you are not overreacting. He did that on purpose, knowing full well what a bind that would put you in.
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u/Sensitive_Run4903 10h ago
This is not a marriage and he is not a partner . You would be better off alone.
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u/eatshitake 10h ago
If he’s eaten all your food then there’s plenty of room in the freezer for other things. If you catch my drift.
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u/R4gn4_r0k 9h ago
Because you're sick, your emotions are drained, and you're not reacting enough.
My wife had a simple surgery not too long ago, and I helped her out as much as possible, because that's what you do for the person you're married to and love.
I do all the cooking already, but I cleaned up more around the house and was just available if she needed me for anything.
If she was on a special diet, not once would I think of taking her food.
I honestly think he's doing this because he's thinking you are faking how sick you are and this will "force" you to be better and start cooking his meals again.
He's not acting like a husband. He's acting like a spoiled kid who wants his mommy to make him dinner and is throwing a fit.
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u/4LeafWonderlust 11h ago
You’re under reacting, he’s a pathetic man-child and I’m disgusted just by reading this. Let’s cut to the chase: your only second guessing this situation because your hurting, exhausted and probably on pain meds, etc. KICK HIM TO THE CURB, focus on healing and then look at potentially repairing your relationship. You said it yourself, he is having no positive impact on your life atm, only negative.
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u/Then_Scarcity_6472 11h ago
Absolutely NOR. What a douche canoe he is… Feel better soon.. hug your son tighter and really look at your relationship with husband…
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u/Difficult_Process_88 11h ago
Not overreacting.
So let me see if I understand this. Your husband was too fucking lazy to make his lunch and was “bored with the food he was making” so he decided that he would take your liquid food? YOUR LIQUID FOOD! For “variety”? You know I’ve commented that other people are pieces of shit on this sub but have nothing on your husband! Your husband is not only a piece of shit, he’s the turd on the top of a pile of shit! For him to not only ingest every last drop of the food you NEED, but to lie and blame his own son should show you without a doubt how little he cares about you and your son. Once you’re better, kick his nasty ass to the curb!
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u/Complete_Ad_3280 11h ago
What a callous man. Divorce. You are vulnerable to complications if you don't stick to your specific diet and he does not give a damn. I'm glad you have an empathetic son who helps out. He knows it's physical labor to have to create these meals , and your body needs to rest and heal from this major surgery. Both psychological and physical abusive behavior.
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u/Invisible-Jane 11h ago
This man literally hates you. He’s a callous, malicious, POS. But you already knew that I suspect, this is hopefully the part that convinces you once and for all that you need to free yourself from this marriage.
Let this surgery be a turning point in your life. Divorce, heal, live your best life.
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u/mjh8212 10h ago
You’re not overreacting. I’ve been trying to get healthy and lose weight for a year and I’ve been successful my husband doesn’t touch my food. This seems like some sort of deliberate sabotage. The fact he’s not helping you since major surgery make it seem like he doesn’t care at all.
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u/OutlandishnessNew259 12h ago
You did not over react. actually you didn't react nearly as strongly as I would have. I I don't even have words for how awful that is. Knowing that you need this food for your health and survival and he eats it for lunch? Honestly he doesn't care about anyone but himself. I know that people on this sub are quick to be like you should break up with them... But like you should divorce him. He blamed your son to boot? I don't know he just doesn't seem like a good person to me.