My husband had been sick for 8.5yrs with cancer and it had metastasized. The last 8 months he deteriorated pretty badly. One night my older son woke me up, saying his dad was throwing up downstairs. When I got there, my husband was vomiting up bright red blood and huge clots. I'm a nurse so I acted on instinct and called 911 first. I went into the bathroom, told my husband i was there. My husband said ok, fell back against me, my arm wrapped around his chest and i felt his heart slowing down and stop. The EMT came in, looked at us, my husband covered in blood, in my arms, said "OH My God," and walked out.

I have had a mental breakdown, had to be taken out of work. Now I don't know what to do, whether to go back to work or not. I keep seeing the guy coming to the bathroom door and saying "OH My God," and having nightmares.

I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. I have kids and I'm losing myself. All I see in my head is my husband dying over and over. I need it to stop.

Please I need some support I am newly diagnosed and I don’t feel comfortable in a lot of spaces. I have crippling ptsd. I have such a hard time trusting people and gaining respect. I don’t know many other autistic people in my personal life so I feel lonely.

Bit of a vent and support.

I have Cptsd from years of child abuse, some physical, mostly emotional. I also have autism. I'm very hypervigalant and am easily startled, to the point where coworkers regularly startle me just by coming into a room behind me unexpectedly.

I want to act. Not professionally, but in theater. While I do have overstimulating issues, I can take noise and shouting and love loud music, which actually calms me.

But, I tried to volunteer at a haunted house last night and went to rehearsal and it went awful. I don't usually do well going through them as a guest post ptsd onset, butI figured workbig there and knoeing everythingto come would be okay. Id also been through this one as a kid and it isn't too intense. I have to keep from punching someone in what my brain thinks is fight defense time.

For this I had to crawl into a fire place and jump out and scream. I actually don't know how to make myself scream. I learned to be quiet growing up to be safe. I'm even dead silent in total fear on high rollercoasters. I had issues with that and was fine for a few minutes.

Then the sound of screaming, things falling and people shouting for their lives and for help made me have a panic in there, a bad one where I was shaking. All the awful things my mom said to me growing up, all the yelling about stuff I wish I could forget, the physical dangerous fights I got into with my other abuser, one that drew blood in particular, came pouring through my head. I freaked out and cried while trying to regulate breathing until someone came to get me. I had to have klonopin to calm down I was so upset.

I've worked on a movie set as an extra and did great. The director said I did well and I really liked it too. But with my ptsd I'm worried I won't be able to do theater for whatever reason. I'm so angry at myself for not being to experience a haunted house at 25 while kids are doing it at 8.

I used to be a writer.

It was something I loved, something freeing and incredibly fun. But I haven't written - not for myself, sincerely - for years, now. First, a former friend was horrendously manipulative and would anonymously hate my writing. Then, just when I thought I was recovering from that, itching to publish my works again for people, my ex just fucking ruined me. On top of that, he used every idea I gave him, every piece I helped him with, and said it was his own. Is publishing a fucking webcomic on the WEBTOON app using my shit that he would have never ever thought of without me.

And me?

I've got nothing to show for it. I have nothing. No published works because I deleted them. No drafts, because I'm scared to try. No comics in progress because I can't help but see him every time I try to make one.

I used to be good. Really good. My writing was something I could be proud of...

Anyway. How do I even go about reclaiming these hobbies?

How do I write again and not feel like I'm trying to fix what he broke?

How do I make my own comic without it feeling like a competition against that rat ass piece of shit?

It was mine. That writing, that idea, those plots, that story, those characters, the dialogue, the art, everything. It was fucking mine and he ruined me as thanks. Fucking emotionally abused me and terrified me and hurt me beyond repair and it's my fucking work that he stole. He didn't do anything because he's a talentless piece of shit. A fucking hack. And I can't even go to that goddamn site and read the stories I enjoy because I see his bullshit advertised.

Now he has everything and I have nothing.

I feel like everything ended when the event that caused my ptsd occurred. i'll try my best to outline what i feel for the people who care:

1. I remember things less intensely

2. It feels like my eyes are constantly tired and wanting to close, the best way I can describe it is having the life sucked out of them.

3. Everything that makes me feel better is a coping method, an addictive feeling

4. Breathing became shallow and often manual; "forgetting" to breathe

5. Mind goes straight to the worst possibilities for every thought

6. One negative thought can leave me disoriented for weeks

7. Emotions are suppressed, instead of feeling I first think and question what I should feel

Apologies for the poor grammar and potential bad descriptions, haven't felt coherent in a while

I am diagnosed and not looking for a diagnosis :-)

I’m diagnosed, but also have insomnia, autism and ADHD (included as I don’t know if it’s relevant), but the nightmares are getting crazy recently, they’ve escalated beyond the trauma and are now in the same ‘theme’ but they’re horrific, graphic and so hard to shake.

Tried the usual stuff, to no avail, does anyone have any tips that have worked to reduce the frequency/intensity? Willing to try anything at this point

A lot, okay..? Not every. Please don't flood this post with 'not all autistics', I'm not looking for arguments, just support. Feel free to contact me if you feel safer to share in private. I'd love to hear from others. Anyway I feel like I can't admit this anywhere without being absolutely piled on, I don't hate them and I've always given them a chance. Alongside my PTSD I also have BPD, ADHD and Bipolar so I understand the stigma and what it's like to be negatively stereotyped. However there's 'loved ones' subreddits for basically all of these disorders and not a single one for those with autistic loved ones. Except the 'raised by autistics' sub but it's pretty much dead and I'm no contact with my dad, so that's why I'm posting this here I guess

Hating on abusive loved ones with BPD, Bipolar, Schizophrenia etc is pretty much accepted all over this site while people ranting about abusive/shitty autistic parents or partners just get piled on. The times I've ranted abt this online or to IRL friends I was always hit with 'he prolly has NPD', 'he is prolly a sociopath' and no.. He is not, he was clearly just autistic and it was his only dx :/ Dismissing all negative autistic symptoms as 'they're actually NPD' feels so dismissive and just shifts the blame/stigma onto a different group that faces even more stigma

My dad's autism played a HUGE role in his abuse and severe neglect. He felt more like a dysfunctional older brother than anything resembling a parent and destroyed my mom's life. She was abusive as well in a different way but at least she was an actual parent. I only realized in my mid 20's that I've attracted a lot of autistic friends and that I actually feel unsafe around them. Not the women btw, only the men. Several of them have sexually assaulted me, stalked me, made me unsafe in other ways etc, and other people ALWAYS defended them. One guy in an old friend group basically cornered me and groped my breasts and butt and my friends just laughed it off, when I said I didn't wanna hang out with him around they just cut me off and told me I'm ableist and that he's just lonely and wants a gf. They even blamed me for 'leading him on' when I never did anything like that, i was just a friend and emotionally open/supportive to him. I've had several experiences like this and it hurts a lot, a recent one brought it all back..

I seem to be a magnet to autistic men and they often become very obsessed with me. I'm so scared of getting stalked again, one sent very scary threats. Idk what to do except not get close to them anymore :( However due to having dealt with severe BPD and Bipolar stigma I understand how shitty that is but I also wanna put my own feelings first and I realized I just didn't do this with past friends. It was like a fawn response where I recreated the dynamic with my dad. Anyway anyone else feel this way? I'm scared I'll just get piled on but I really hope I'm not alone feeling this way

Throwaway account:

For context I’m 24(M). Never dated, kissed, cuddled, had a relationship, held hands, etc. I’ve never felt love from any girl, not even my own mother.

Recently, I met this girl online and we were kicking it off…in a sexual sense. We were sexting a lot, talking to each other over the phone sexually, sending nude pics to each other. It felt so good to be attractive and wanted for once in my life. We talked about meeting up for a date, and then having a very “happy ending.”

I was fantasizing what we were going to do, and all of the sudden I got very violent visceral reactions. I got so caught up that I completely forgot that I suffer from PTSD. I hate being touched in a sexual way and I tense up super hard and I feel like I can’t breathe and I want to puke.

I got the PTSD when I was a kid when I was repeatedly m*lested by an older man for many months. This had been my first and only sexual experiences in my life.

Making this realization my self-esteem and confidence was killed. I feel absolutely pathetic that I can’t have sex. He took so much from me, but now I learned that he even took my sexuality. Idk if I’m ever able to have sex one day. It’ll just be one big trigger for me. I guess my only sexual partner I would be comfortable with would be a toy.

I had to call off the date. I had constantly looked forward to her notifications in my phone. But now it’ll just be news outlets, emails, my step tracker, and YouTube alerts. Nothing from a real person that actually wants me. Living and dying alone without any intimacy looks like a real possibility that will most likely become my reality.

Hi everyone. I'm very nervous to post on here. I've been going through a lot of surgery and PT recently, so I've had a lot of time to just sit in bed. That's been horrendous for my PTSD. All my brain has been doing is reminding me of all of the traumatizing stuff I've gone through and I feel a little trapped in it. Any advice for pulling yourself out of a flashback? Also any advice for remembering that what happened wasn't my fault? That's a huge thing for me. I'll over think and then be like "well it's actually all of your fault. You're an idiot".

I appreciate kind words/advice. Either is fine!

I am a male, and 22 years of age, I am a burn survivor, paraplegic, and I have PTSD, I am fully independent and live on my own, I've been sexually, verbally and physically abused, I'm almost at died at sixteen from a suicide attempt, all sides of my family are unbearable and caused some of my problems but then want to complain about how distrustful I am towards other people, I have no friends, most friends ive had used me as a proverbial punching bag because I guess they always needed the useless one in the group to make fun of and humiliate guilt free, and people in general don't respect me despite me being polite and controlling myself in situations where I'm upset, I've never had a girlfriend, and people tell me I'm cute despite the burn scars and that I have good personality yet online dating has been unbearable I always get the run around and get ghosted or people are just straight up assholes, and I think I would do well with in person dating except I have no means of transportation but even then from my interaction with people, especially people my age it's not even really an online problem, people in general are just unbearable, real empathy and compassion are non existent and made fun of, I guess I'm "gay' because I like writing poetry and being kind to people yeah I'm such a fucking loser for not wanting to be an insecure and selfish dickhead and make other people's lives unbearable I guess, and people don't care about building interpersonal relationships like friendship or marriages anymore because they are all selfish and only care about chasing more money and material things or only care about pleasure and having fun ignoring that there is more to life than that, I used be a kind person and very sociable but I'm finding the older I get the more I despise people and the more quiet and secluded I've become, I genuinely hate humanity, there is nothing "human" about us.

It’s pretty difficult when it’s a family member, especially a close one. A lot of families get mad at the victim for speaking up because it changes things drastically. The worst part is when people try to convince you to forgive them or be around them.

I mean like the ones you were also watching during your trauma building up, so now it’s kinda a part of it even if you love it.

I tend to find certain characters attractive for less than normal reasons, and then I can’t watch the show for weeks or so because I’m too anxious. It’s kinda like having a feeling I haven’t felt in years. And I hate it.

I have had to completely leave certain media behind due to the toll on my health that it brings. One special interest of mine literally made me fall sick for days, twice, so now I never let myself visit it.

An elderly relative (90+) very nearly died. She fell in the garden and was there for atleast 5 hours, 3 of which was a horrific thunder storm. When we found her she was in a bad way and nearly died on the way to hospital. Had we have been 30minutes later she probably wouldn't have made it. She significally suffered, physically and mentally. Everyone is focusing on the physical healing and preventing something like this happening again (the practical things). Could anyone offer any advice on how we help her to mentally recover and prevent PTSD?

I'm not sure how best to start this. I'm just trying to process some feelings and after seeing some other threads and their responses, I feel comfortable enough to ask for insight.

To this day I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD, to my knowledge all I have is crazy anxiety. After speaking to a friend, they suggested I reach out to others with the condition to try and see if somethings line up.

Recently I've made an appointment with my doctor to do a colonoscopy to just check up on stuff. I won't bore you with the history, but I've had failed tests happen before due to nerves. It's a real 50/50 with me. I freeze up and disassociate to the point where I can't reply or respond to anyone. I've been told that I react in a panic when the nurses or my doctor attempt to proceed.

---------TW just in case----------

I'm not sure what medical genius decided to have patients go through with this while conscious, but when I was little my appendix was close to rupture. So a drainage pouch was needed. I remember that event too clearly. I remember laying in the bed afterwards, trembling and just being quiet. My mom said she tried talking with me, but I honestly can't remember that. At some point after a week I had it removed the same way and I reacted the same way. Only in that one the stress was so great, I passed out.

I've been to a therapist and a psychiatrist and neither one have told me PTSD. More so panic attacks. I've even had medication for managing my anxiety but I'm just not sure. Anytime my doctor mentions another test I feel sick and I'm back in that moment. I feel like curling into a ball and hiding away. I hate feeling out of control. None of this is helped by the fact that while my mom believes me, my dad does not.

Even if it's not PTSD, I am open to any suggestions or advice in how to maybe calm myself better before episodes like it happen. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hi. To make a long story short, i found my dad deceased in his bedroom a few years ago randomly. Like..we had talked on the phone 20 minutes prior. He asked me to get him a coffee. I showed up and he had died. I was in college and he was only 55. I was in shock and diagnosed with "acute ptsd". I guess that means...i dont have ptsd anymore? But i cant sleep restfully. Its been 5 years. Every single night i dream of him. His house. His bedroom. Seeing him in my dreams but knowing hes going to die. Trying to stop his death. It goes on. When will this end?

So I got drugged by my sister in November of last year and since have gone no contact with her. She was a victim of CSA and I think recreational drugs help her cope. She's gotten a lot of my immediate family members to try drugs with her, the worst case giving our younger sibling cocaine after giving them shrooms. I don't do drugs bc smoking weed gave me schizophrenia and that was the only drug I ever tried. It appears that she's drugged me on two occasions, once I didn't know about and another time on purpose.

My question is why did she do this? My therapist doesn't really understand this either. I could've died, I had to get hospitalized. We were also in another country and I'm on medication, which could've interacted negatively with the ecstasy she spiked my drink with. I know that she thinks I judge her, but I'm just concerned for her health as many of her friends have had bigger addiction issues that led to bigger problems.

TLDR: My sister drugged me but idk why. What's the motive??

I don't believe I have high severity PTSD and maybe I don't qualify anymore but I cannot go back to therapy currently to find out.

Backstory: There was a hurricane in 2020 during lockdown. I'd gotten through lockdown well and felt I was thriving in it but maybe just holding it together. My parents were having bad issues and oversharing but other than that life was good. I got through the storm fine mentally though physically my stomach was torn up. The night time without electricity was hard on me. The second night I blew out our candle and the pitch black darkness engulfed me and I had a panic attack. A friend of state arranged a hotel 2.5 hours away and we didn't come back until electricity was restored but I spent the first night there shuddering with adrenaline, ready to jump out of my own skin.

I immediately returned to normal life until a week or so later a friend from out of state made a joke text about another storm headed to us. I opened NOAA to see a storm forming near Cuba (could go anywhere from Texas to Miami at that point or just die) and I sat stunned. My husband came in the room and I began to scream. I completely lost my mind. He told me I was saying things like 'why are they coming for me' 'why does god hate me' 'please stop' 'I can't do this'. He calmed me down and we attended a meeting that night but I was in a daze. I was on edge until the storm was gone, spending my days on the couch watching the election drama which I remember in flashes. We kept it a secret from everyone.

I gave myself the off season to feel totally safe and then in May the depression was so bad I opened my eyes in the morning and was apathetic to life. I started therapy and was diagnosed with bipolar (reeling thoughts obsessed with storms) and adhd (also, obsession). I found my old diaries. I'd missed two months of my senior year to a devastating storm that wrecked my town. We had two storms 60 days apart when I was a young girl, and one followed us to where we evacuated as we were stuck on the interstate and the radio warned of nearby tornados. The heat without a/c was miserable. During Katrina my dad worked in New Orleans on the river and we didn't hear from him for days or know if he was okay. My dad died a couple years back and a couple weeks after the funeral I looked out the window to a small tornado during a quick, mild storm that took the neighbor's roof. So I have lots of storm trauma.

We have a prep plan now. We got a giant generator that runs on natural gas and powers our whole office which has a bed in it. We also can swing going away for a week if we need to. I do lots of planning. Well... I accidentally found out about a storm this year very early and our area was a potential target. I got about 1/3 as bad as I had been before but I am medicated now (bupropion XL and diazepam for emergencies). I also tell myself that we had a new power company take over since the last storm and they've done so much infrastructure improvement so power won't be out as long.

We know we are out of the woods entirely but my brain keeps saying 'just wait it'll happen next week' and 'still one month left of peak season!' 'A huge 4 or 5 will come at some point and ruin your whole town again!' And I feel so rattled, like a caged animal shuddering on the inside. The world feels like this heavy, dark, dystopian movie which is how post-storm feels to me. I just feel so on edge and uncomfortable. Anyone else feel like that? I'm not as triggered as I used to be. I hate them but I don't shudder in fear when I see imagery or hear the word. I just need advice. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I can't move at this point in my life bc our entire extended families are here except for my brother who won't move here for this very reason (also homeowners insurance prices).

Hello there. I work with dogs, and today I got bit quite badly on the wrist. Getting bit is very rare for me, and I was working with a new, dangerous dog. Ever since, the injury has been healing and is painful, and the wrist pain is taking me back to all of my hospital trips, sick nights, abusive relationships, self-harm and mental crisis's, and is overwhelming on top of my current eating disorder struggles.

I always regret getting loved ones involved in my mess but am grateful for the help in the end. I'm not sure how to deal with reliving trauma though, and I'm very overwhelmed right now. I can't seem to process my past but consciously and unconsciously suppress it, and I've been trying to get medical help for years. I feel like vomiting and sobbing and everything else all at the same time. I also know I'm going to be ashamed of this post later and probably delete it. I'm just so stuck and sad and hurt and scared. I've tried therapy, medication, meditation, using a service dog, changing different aspects of my life to try and make things better, religion, making friends, bonding with loved ones, and I still can't shake the feeling of being deeply, deeply ashamed of everything I do and what I feel.

My stalker from 15 years ago found me and tried to contact me. I don’t want to go into details at the moment, but things were very bad and the whole experience was a major contributing factor to my PTSD.

I have been spending this time methodically removing any traces of personally identifying information online, contacting police, notifying my team at work, scraping documentation from past events together, increasing security at home, and worrying about what their endgame is here. All in an overabundance of caution. I have no idea what they’re capable of or what is going through their mind.

I know I shouldn’t give them any power over me, so I’m currently in robot mode trying not to let myself feel anxiety or fear, just doing what I can to keep myself safe. It just fucking sucks. I thought I was done dealing with this crap.

I just want to be left alone.

I’m looking for a locked inpatient intensive PTSD program in the US. I was going to go back to Shepherd Pratt but when I went to apply I found out they closed the Trauma disorders program down. I can’t do a normal residential program due to safety concerns when I start working on my trauma in therapy again. So far I can only find hospitals that also treat PTSD but they don’t have there own unit for trauma treatment and I have had very bad experiences on a few of those units before and fond them to be very loud as well as not having a core focus in trauma disorders treatment.

I haven’t found a residential program that’ll take my insurance yet because Medicare only covers inpatient hospital stays.

Small edit: looking at TraumaSci at Dominion in VA. Anyone have experience there I can ask some questions?

I'm always tense, expecting the worst. My body hurts , literally like I ran a marathon . I'm so tired all the time .

I just want to feel normal again .

I have a big problem, and I'm praying that some of you have some advice on how to handle it. I have PTSD from a medical procedure.

Sometimes my neighbors play music. It's not loud enough to bother anyone but me; in fact, sometimes it is barely audible. That being said, if I can hear the bass AT ALL I will become rapidly furious and violent. My brain now seems to be in a state of hyper-vigilance in which ANY deep sound (bass, motorcycles, trucks, coughing, chopping vegetables, etc...) will cause this reaction, even if I'm the one making the sound.

I barely avoided police involvement this past summer, and nothing I try seems to be working.I am desperate for help with this. Neither I or my family can live this way.

Thank you for any advice you can give.

Hello. I'm Jorge, 31 years old from Puerto Rico. I've thought I've been living with untreated PTSD for a very long period of time.

The PTSD is sexual related, I believe. I have extreme laziness, low energy, problems sleeping, overweight, just to name a few.

What should I do now? Get an appointment with a psychiatrist? I'm on depression pills, my next appointment is in December. In the meantime, what other ways are there to treat the condition? Can PTSD be cured naturally? The pills that I'm taking don't seem to help much.

If I have PTSD as I suspect, what medication will be prescribed to me? Just curious.

Edit: I was also heavily bullied in middle and high school. My dad was abusive towards me when I was a child.

I think I have ED as well.