Looking for information and/or support

[u/EmbarrassedAd6400]

I'm not sure how best to start this. I'm just trying to process some feelings and after seeing some other threads and their responses, I feel comfortable enough to ask for insight.

To this day I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD, to my knowledge all I have is crazy anxiety. After speaking to a friend, they suggested I reach out to others with the condition to try and see if somethings line up.

Recently I've made an appointment with my doctor to do a colonoscopy to just check up on stuff. I won't bore you with the history, but I've had failed tests happen before due to nerves. It's a real 50/50 with me. I freeze up and disassociate to the point where I can't reply or respond to anyone. I've been told that I react in a panic when the nurses or my doctor attempt to proceed.

---------TW just in case----------

I'm not sure what medical genius decided to have patients go through with this while conscious, but when I was little my appendix was close to rupture. So a drainage pouch was needed. I remember that event too clearly. I remember laying in the bed afterwards, trembling and just being quiet. My mom said she tried talking with me, but I honestly can't remember that. At some point after a week I had it removed the same way and I reacted the same way. Only in that one the stress was so great, I passed out.

I've been to a therapist and a psychiatrist and neither one have told me PTSD. More so panic attacks. I've even had medication for managing my anxiety but I'm just not sure. Anytime my doctor mentions another test I feel sick and I'm back in that moment. I feel like curling into a ball and hiding away. I hate feeling out of control. None of this is helped by the fact that while my mom believes me, my dad does not.

Even if it's not PTSD, I am open to any suggestions or advice in how to maybe calm myself better before episodes like it happen. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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