I was talking to this girl earlier this year (until late march). She was a HS crush of mine 10+ years ago. We hit it off then she went silent and i figured she got a new boyfriend and ghosted me. Just found out she was arrested yesterday for the attempted murder of her niece

Edit: the niece is 4 yrs old and it was attempted murder via stabbing

My dogs. My cat. My birds. Music. My art. My memories. My two favorite people ever. My game consoles. My little sister’s.

These are my reasons. The good things. They are few in numbers. But they are good. And they are mine. Sometimes. They are hard to hold on to. But they are all reason enough.

I just need to get this off my chest. Today I heard the devastating news that one of my close friends, 30F, the mother of my godchild, is going to die. Last Christmas, just a month after giving birth to her second daughter, she had to be hospitalised. It turned out she had cancer. It was horrible, but she fought so hard and after months of treatments, we finally got the amazing news that the tumor was gone. It felt like such a relief.

Fast forward to yesterday — a few months after the good news. She went into the hospital again because she had thrombosis in her leg. No one expected this to turn into anything more than a complication. But then they did a scan, and we got the worst possible news. They found out that the cancer had never been gone, and now it has spread aggressively throughout her body. There's nothing they can do. The doctors have given her 1, maybe 2 years at best.

I don’t even know how to process this. How could this have happened, how did they miss this? Why? It feels so unfair. I’m completely heartbroken. I can’t stop thinking about her, her husband and her two little girls, how young they are, and how much they’ll miss out on. I know this isn’t about me, but it feels so surreal. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through, and I feel so helpless.

I just really needed to vent. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.

I just feel angry and disappointed about all the “brothers” who betrayed me, it’s been a great source of motivation for self improvement but I always feel angry that my “friends” were so quick to switch sides

I have a dad but there's no way I can consider him that, from the beginning when I first saw him he was pretty stern, for punishments he made me write the numbers from 1-100 my mom and "dad" usually went out when I had to do this, I remember he also tried to get me to say his name I never got it right and he would get mad, it was in the same year(s) that I had to write the numbers I was also just four, nothing too bad though.

It changed when I started getting older, I used to lean back on couches and then my dad would come from behind (the couch) and start touching my chest under my shirt, I always let it happen because I was only 6-9 years old, yea it happened for years and also to my sister. I always felt uncomfortable when he Did it but I didn't know what it was, when I found out.. I got really mad but I only found out after another incident.

I was sitting on my parents bed on my dads side me dad was next to me and my mom was on the bed with her back facing towards us we were playing a game together and suddenly he started touching me, my private parts first on top of the shorts then the underwear the n nothing. I felt like the world was ending but I didn't know why, I was so young. I went to the restroom and stayed for a while trying to pass it off as a joke but then I came back to the bed and he started again finally the dungeon raid was over so I could go sleep. I cried myself to sleep that night.

He also did this to my older sister. Anyways obviously I grew up and I was a teenager and then my mom gave birth to his son, my brother and I was happy it was a boy so hopefully he wouldn't do it to him either but unfortunately they decided to have another child, this one was a girl after the gender reveal celebration I went to sleep crying again. Now he actually does some other pretty bad stuff like manipulating, he's pretty delusional too like he thinks he's god and has split personalities. Very rarely he's the good dad I wish he was this one more often.

Sorry if that question made little sense. I have low self-esteem because of my looks. I’m a 23 year old female woman and have a manly face and I’m not exaggerating or experiencing body dysmorphia. I also have a small breasts and narrow hips. It feels like now I’m displaying myself out for everyone to pick apart and judge.

I used to post my face picture on those am I ugly subreddits and on 4chan everyone would tell me I was ugly and/or man looking except for maybe one person and people were mean and when I was hurt they went on more intentionally.

I also have low self-esteem because of who I am internally. I feel like I’m hollow. I do things for the attention of others. I will never change. It’s who I am. I don’t feel like I can be me for me truly. The only thing I love is beautiful clothes and listening to music I enjoy and sometimes I like eating foods I like.

And, yeah, this is an attention grab. I’ve suspected I’m a narcissist. I don’t care about the suffering of others much. I’m not emotionally affected by it, unless it somehow brings into question why I don’t feel bad and then I feel bad about myself because I don’t care about them and that makes me bad.

I am jobless because I wasn’t cut out for the job I had. It was too dangerous for me. I took the job because I didn’t go to college. I am not intelligent enough for college. (honest to god a stupid person… I sometimes see things after the fact when it’s too late…) I’m awful as conversing and at my last job during training classes, I just sat there and hardly spoke to anyone because I genuinely had nothing to say. I was in my head and nothing can get me out of my head because of my brain disorder, which could be adhd or sct or god fucking knows what.

Meds aren’t helping. In fact, I forgot to get my meds. It’s been a week since my last appointment. I can’t come up with my own intelligent ideas. Everything I do and am, I know most people would hate. All of my ideas are stupid to most people. I can’t come up with any ideas that someone would be willing to pay for.

"Hello Reddit, I’m writing this post just to vent.

I have the bad luck of having spent a full 10 years building a career at a shitty company! I honestly have no idea why I'm still here, what I'm doing, or what I'm looking for. It’s a total dead-end job where I can’t move forward at all, thanks to extreme nepotism and management’s total disregard for its employees.

The owner, a generally generous guy, has long stopped caring about the people working here. He has no idea what’s going on in his own company, what the employees need, or what they’re going through. He just seems to care about getting richer at the cost of our health.

His second-in-command, who happens to be his nephew (of course), is a miserly wannabe-communist who acts like everything comes out of his own pocket—whether it’s salaries, bonuses, or even basic assistance. The worst possible person to be in charge.

Every year, the workload just increases, while the number of employees stays pretty much the same. Most of the older employees are long gone, and we keep getting new hires who don’t stick around once they see how things work here.

Sometimes we unload 5 shipping containers a day—manually—moving everything from the container to the warehouse by hand. The worst week we had was 25 containers in 5 days, and we were all completely wiped out from exhaustion. But who cares? Apparently, nobody gives a damn that the employer is supposed to look out for our health.

In these 10 fucking years, I’ve learned every single task in this company, and I have the full trust of my superiors because of it. But it’s completely pointless.

Salary-wise, a new hire makes only 10% less than I do. Over the years, I’ve even learned to do the technician’s job—fixing defective products, packing them, and whatever else needs to be done. Two months ago, I asked for a raise, and that same miserly director just gave me the usual "we'll take care of it" line, and guess what? I got nothing. It’s just not fair that I’m capable of so much more than most of my coworkers, taking on tasks I’m not even paid to do, and yet when I ask for a raise, I’m treated with complete indifference.

I’ve messed up my spine from all the work I’ve done here. I’ve ruined my health, sacrificed more than they’ll ever know, and I’m still treated like a nobody by management. I don’t know what to do or where to go. The money I earn here barely gets me through the month. I have plans to move in with my girlfriend, get married, and replace this 20-year-old car, but with all of this going on, I still don’t know what to do. What I do know is what I’ll do tomorrow—I’ll get up in the morning and go to work at this same miserable company, which I still can’t understand why it even exists.

I know, I’m an idiot.

I (28F) struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as well as many other mental illnesses but BPD is the one that is the most active and bothersome to me. I could be having the most amazing day and then BAM I'm in tears, beating myself up for things from my past, hating myself, starting arguments with my boyfriend (35M) over absolutely nothing. Right now, it's 3:50 AM and I'm wide awake playing Sims 4 in the living room & listening to non-depressing music while my bf is asleep in bed. Just before I came to post this, I started feeling like I need to ugly cry my eyes out and I don't know why. I feel so alone due to being isolated from the outside world from September 2020 until June 2022 by my abusive ex(38m). He literally wouldn't ever let me go out in public alone. When he took me somewhere, I had to be attached to his side and look down at the floor/ground and not look up until we were back in the car. Idk if that's whats triggering it considering Monday marked 4 years since I met/started dating him or what? I lost a lot of friendships because of my abuser so now whenever I feel alone or have a BPD episode, I only have my current bf and he has a full time job. This stuff often happens while hes at work and I feel so terrible calling him at work because I'm being a drama queen. Most of the time I just try to self soothe with techniques Ive acquired through old therapists and if that doesn't work I just cry. I literally don't want to wake my bf up because he has to be up for work in 4 hours, as do I but I literally cannot fall asleep and my tossing and turning would wake him up so I'm out in the living room on the computer. I hate this so much. Like my abuser is in prison for at least 45 years, why am I allowing the past to effect my present especially when he can't even get to me and do it again? I don't know. I hate him for doing this to me.

Yes, I used Blink-182 lyrics as my title but it's appropriate for the situation I'm about to be venting about. I work for a mobile service provider authorized retail store and there's been a lot of things that are just not sitting right with me. My hours have been cut from 32 per week to 19 per week for the past 3 weeks. I was hired on as a full-time employee. The policy for requesting time off is to email management no later than 2 weeks in advance. So I needed a day off to handle some things with a family member and that was the only day that would work for them (works 2 jobs and their significant other has a sick relative they take care of too). I gave management 1 months advance and briefly explained the situation to them. Well when the schedule was posted, I noticed that I was put on to work a shift on that day. I called management and reminded them of the request, was told it would be fixed as soon as we got off the phone. That was at the beginning of a 10 hour shift. Fast forward to break time 4 hours later. Before I clocked out for break I checked the schedule and I was still on shift for the day I needed off. Texted management and they told me it'd be fixed by closing. At the end of the shift it still wasn't fixed. So I ended up switching a shift with a coworker that said they'd take the shift for me and I took one of their days they were willing to switch with me. We checked with management to approve the switch which they did. So I was shocked when I got a phone call from manager on the day I took for coworker. Manager was livid stating that the shift switched has to be on the same week as the one I gave away and that coworker was going to be into overtime now bc of the switch. Then proceeded to yell at me that they could be fined $200+ for the overtime thing. I apologized and they snapped at me that my apologies don't pay the fine. Then why did you approve it? Also, if you would've done what you said you were gonna do I wouldnt have needed to switch a shift. Then, yesterday management messages the group chat we have and says that we have a mandatory meeting this weekend (after the schedule has been posted for a week and a half) which I have off and made plans to be out of state. I said that I wouldn't be able to make it due to being out of state and one of my coworkers replied to me telling me its mandatory. Like I'm sorry but maybe put that meeting up with the schedule so we are prepared to be there? I reached out to manager via text to let them know that I'm not available to be at meeting and have yet to get a reply over 24 hours later. Then today, on my day off, I was tagged in a group chat message directed to manager from inventory management stating that they were missing an invoice from an order that was delivered yesterday and I signed for it. (I was off yesterday). So that means someone used my name to sign for something when I wasn't even working. The group chat was meant to make communication easier between team members of the 6 stores manager runs but I haven't seen a larger lack of communication in my life. The safes we had in all 6 stores were outdated and unused since before I started working there. We got new ones installed between Monday and Wednesday and nobody notified those of us that were off in that period of time that they were to be used effective immediately, I was one of those people. So when I returned to work on Thursday and went to take the bank deposit to the bank, I didn't see a deposit bag. I called my coworker that worked the night before and thats who told me about the safe situation.

I am legitimately about to quit this place because of this shit. I'm tired of the dumb things that shouldn't be happening. Am I overreacting to this stuff or should I start looking for another job?

ain't got nobody I can vent too, I only vent to God, I also will never let no one know it's me venting on Reddit, but it feel like I keep fighting demons from everything I do in life, I just got into with someone and when I caught up with them in person I wanted to beat the shit out of them, but they not "on that" in person, and it can something old someone did and I still dwell on it, it's like a grudge but I don't want it, God please if there's any grudge in my heart please take it away, l do say a lot of fucked up shit especially when I'm angry, but soon as I calm down that shit fucking with my soul, like I know I supposed to be loving and forgiving, I just want to live the best as I can so when I die I can show that I did the best as I could, Lord knows I don't want to be like this, when I'm angry I don't think I just move off emotions, I have a lot of evil thoughts running through my mind and I don't be trying to listen but I hear it talking, I also did a lot of fucked up shit, steady praying and repenting every night, but keep doing the same shit, don't know how many times will the lord forgive me, I just wanna change and not be like this, everytime I think bout my granny I cry it can be on a good day or be in a good mood and It just change, I really miss her love, everytime I do bad shit and sin it take a toll on my soul cause I know I don't suppose to be like this, and I know I'm disappointing God, I barley talk to my family, ain't nobody ever checked up on me but I guess when you a man they expect for you to be okay all the time, maybe if my grandma was here it would be different but ever since she passed my life gotten worse and feel like it keeps getting worser, I won't lie though I only vented one time and it damn show my last time and it was to my sister the very next day she used it against me and try to say I have mental problems, but I don't cause I don't believe in mental illness, my advice to any body never vent to a female cause they gone try to use it against you when something happens, I don't want to die like this, I want to be close with family, I want to keep doing good or atleast show God I tried, cause I know for a fact he watching wanting me to do better and I know some people who don't believe but I know for fact he very real, I did have a fucked up childhood and it's a lot of stuff I'm taking to the grave, but I know he have something in store for me everything Gods plans, It's like I'll let the devil get a hold of me and when I'm done I just feel regret, knowing I just disappointed the Lord Jesus Christ, even if someone disrespect me first I'll disrespect them back but I'll keep thinking about what I did that I know l'm wrong even though they did it first, that's how I know I have a big heart, but this not even half of my problems, it's a lot of more sins/dirt I do but ain't go put it on Reddit, it's literally me vs me right now and I can care less if nobody sees this, I just have to get this shit off my chest, a lot of shit running through my mind especially at night which make it hard to sleep but hopefully I can go to sleep right now, I don’t need help or advice I just need to get this off my chest right now, yall stay close to Jesus Christ and if you already close get closer I want to see everyone make it to heaven

Going to have to bite the bullet I think and do the hardest thing I have ever done, break up with the girl of my dreams. She is literally the best person I have ever met and I am so in love with her that this is absolutely destroying me, but I am almost certain that I have to end it because, she has a kid. I never wanted children, rhwy hold you back too much and ruin your life. I was so alone for so long that I took a chance with this girl (probably out of loneliness) but in reality she is perfect, absolutely beautiful, so caring, so understanding, just so perfect but she has a 5 year old and I never wanted them. I see kids as restriction to life, i dont understand why you would want to waste your life like that, cant do this or that because you need to be there for a child. I just dont get it. I love this girl more than I ever thought possible but I dont think its fair to her, the kid or myself to keep this going any longer. (7 months)

i know it sounds dumb, or it sounds like i'm seeking attention. but, for some reason all the things i used to do that brought me any semblance of happiness or joy just doesn't anymore. everything just feels so obsolete. everything just feels bland. i haven't told anyone this, mainly just because i'm afraid they'll look at me and treat me differently. my friends all seem so happy when we play games or just talk on call, but i have to fake it all. i don't even know if i really enjoy their company anymore either which makes me feel like crap. what am i doing wrong? why do i feel so damn empty?

I am only human The one thing I know for certain is the force that drives humans. Want. The want to stay alive, to feel loved, to possess something. Once they get it however the drive changes. How can one live and be content. How can one receive all they want and be content. When you lay in bed at night and think about what you want, which I know we all catch ourselves doing, when do you stop? Can you recall one time you thought of the day after you received everything you truly wanted.

At some point you were all I truly wanted, I gave everything I had to possess you. Once I possessed you I wanted everything I had given up. I received everything I wanted after you left. Truly I did. Maturity, self confidence, respect, friends of my own, money, male attention, popularity, adventures, a car, and a handsome, popular, innocent, boyfriend. I could go on and on. Here I am though. Living in my glory. Basking in it. I have absolutely zero motivation for my story has ended. This is the day after I received everything I wanted.

I’m done, life is over saturated. I fill my days with empty escapades and my nights with my arms and legs intertwined with the epitome of beauty. I often look back to compare, as one does. The times I would count to ten before I would stop kissing you, for I hated kissing you but couldn’t pull away too quick. The fake smiles, hugs, moans and laughter. The comparison of your stark and broodish love. The kisses from him that go by too quickly. The warmth and joy he brings with him. I felt empty then, I am full now. Here in this fullness I realize it is such but a feeling. I hated you, and I hated you because I loved you, you were my desire. I hated you so strongly because of what I had sacrificed to be with you. Then I lost you and it hurt. I no longer want you but I feel stuck, caught on you.

Yet truly I do only want for one thing. I want for the desire I had for you, I want for complete indifference towards you. I want to again want. And it is fucking hell, for I am a walking contradiction now, cursed to bask in my glory and hate every second of it.

I have an essay due that is minimum 1000 words, have about 250 (ik, i have shitty time management), and 2 other papers.

Fuck, sometimes I hate everything

All due tomorrow

I'm getting tired of all of the shit going on in my life my boyfriend for some reason thinks that I don't listen enough and want's to get with his ex but I listen to him no matter what happens or how bad my day has been I've been trying to help him and support him throughout whatever because I love him so much and I can't even express the same love for myself and I hate everything right now he just thinks I don't listen but I do and I'm going through so much right now at home and with school and I don't know how much more I can take before just ending it all I'm tired of trying to be the best I can for everyone and the moment I can't im labeled as self centred but I truly do love the people in my life but I hate how much I feel invalidated because even if im being a good person and I think im doing good for them I'm just never enough and im fucking tired of it I hate myself so much and I hate how bad im getting because ill be happy one second but if something goes wrong and then im sad I get called an attention seeker I've trie so hard to keep going but I don't know how much longer I can do this but I know im loved so I feel like such a bad person for feeling like this and it makes me want to throw up but I just don't know what to do because not talk to anyone is not possible for me because if I do then im going to go crazy but I just don't know what to do.

😩 plzzzz I’m so Fking tired.
Even in my god damn dreams I find someone and they hurt me instead

It’s currently 12:30 and I’m crying, fuming upset. I’ve had to wipe poop off the toilet and now she woke up out of her sleep throwing up a little on the side of her bed and onto the floor and it smells disgusting and she didn’t even try to wipe it up or anything, just got back into bed and went back to sleep. There’s not enough patience in the world. This trip can’t end fast enough.

No seriously tho. I work in a healthcare setting and I’m gonna be pretty vague on my venting. But I’m tired of working in a “non profit” that literally only cares about profit. They can’t staff us properly and patient care suffers because of it. I bust my ass to try to give the best possible outcomes I can. But there’s only so much I can do within the 8 hours I’m here. And I know everyone tells me to not worry about it, just do my best and I do. But it’s frustrating knowing that things could be better if management would just move things around a bit to actually make staffing better. I just feel sorry for the patients at the end of the day.

I really don't know what to do. I might just start off at the start.

My parents are rather bad for each other, they fought a lot when I was nine and under. My dad was possessive and now at thirteen I found out that he was actually cheating on my mom and that's why they got a divorce.

My momma told me they were getting a divorce when I was nine and playing cards with my cousins at a family gathering. I wanted to cry but didn't because I feel like it's embarrassing and shameful.

I was homeschooled in third grade and now I don't have friends, I suck at school and I'm behind. I went through bad depression at 10-13. I had suicidal thoughts and even though if overdosing. I cut a few times but it wasn't for me.

After my parents got divorced my momma had financial problems and I developed pots (postural orthostatic tachycardia, a nervous system disorder) having that stripped all my sport options away. I can't run and I used to run to help with my emotions. I ride horses now but they are getting too much for me. Riding has been my dream since either was three. In just four years all seven of my horses have been sold or put down.

I'e had recurring UTI's and this is my third one in a year and a half. My momma hasn't taken my to the doctor yet even though I asked her to. I think I might have a kidney infection but my momma is paying one hundred dollars just for insurance. She works twelve hours shifts and lives with her own mother. She's still struggling.

I'm dumb. At thirteen I craved a relationship and ended up getting together with a sixteen year old I only knew for a day and sent him nudes. I sent to a fifteen year old and they both ended after seeing me. I got with another one and all he asked was for masturbation and the one fifteen year old I got after that looked thirty...

At ten I was told by a group of seventeen year olds that I had a fat ass and that they would rape me if they could.

I feel disgusting and impure. I don't feel worth it. Please help... I just don't wanna think of killing myself to make things better. I can't pay for a therapist and I don't wanna use anyone just to vent.

Disclaimer: This is not an atheist post. I am still very much a Christian, and do not intend for this post to stir up any anti-Christian or anti-religious sentiments.

When I was 3 years old my parents joined a sketchy megachurch (the largest individual congregation in town, too), and so naturally I was raised in it and 100% of my church memories are from this place. When I was 17 I finally woke up to the fact that I was in a cult and though it's only been about a year since then, I am desperate to get out but can't because I can't afford to move out. I have a number of grievances that I can't express to other people because either I don't know them that well or I do know them well and they are just as brainwashed as I once was. I gotta have my avalanche somewhere.

-I volunteered at the church's bookstore for 7 years. I gave 1500+ volunteer hours to these assholes, so naturally I'm a bit pissed that I worked so hard to please a cult. To add insult to injury, the church is insanely nepotistic. The founding pastors' various descendants have totally taken over church leadership and they even kicked out a family that worked at our church's cafe (it's a fucking megachurch) so that some airheaded 20 year old grandson could take it over. My own manager is about to be replaced by the grandson's wife (who has no experience and is maybe 2-3 years older than me, tops), so I'm quitting.

-The founding pastor gave "divinely inspired" financial advise to people, such as when to make investments and things like that, and people lost money. Big money. One man lost around half a million dollars by blindly following the advice.

-Speaking of blindly following advice, we are never to question the pastors. If we do so we are possessed of the devil or far away from the spirit.

-Speaking of never questioning the pastors, Bible verses that the pastors don't like are "taken into context", which is really just a codeword for explaining them away to make them obsolete. Their words (such as dubious financial advice) matters more than the FUCKING BIBLE. Oh yeah, and "Bible" is IN THE CHURCH'S NAME. sigh

-They treat their workers horribly. And I mean, horribly. My brother worked in the church's vast childcare department for over a decade and the childcare was constantly overflowing with too many kids while being short-staffed. His job was stressful and relentless. In 2007 the husband and wife in charge of the childcare were both fired for turning parents away from bringing their kids to the childcare because the amount of kids in proportion to the amount of employees was unsafe. Here is a direct quote from a news interview the husband did: “We had a [town name] police officer there every night, and that is fine,” [name] said. “But they don’t stop the bloody noses, the injuries and the vomiting, and the discipline problems we have with those kids. We had some classrooms where there would be 60 kids and two teachers in them — first- and second-graders.” This was the environment my brother worked in for 10+ years from the age of 10 and nothing was ever done about it.

The latest incident that launched me into posting all of this was today. The elders of the church (I'm not entirely sure what they do; they sound like some sort of prayer team, so not the same as elders in a Presbyterian church or elsewhere; my mom and dad are included in this team) were all made to sign a form that they would always hold a good opinion of the pastors' leadership. Again, the pastors are gods.

And what angers me even more is that despite all of these abuses, despite all the endless complaints people make about the leadership, no one actually questions it. No one leaves. No one even discusses moving on to greener pastures. When I found the news article with that interview, there was a photo of the wife posing in front of the church. I recognized her. Why did I recognize her? BECAUSE SHE STILL GOES TO THE CHURCH. SHE STILL GOES! SHE WAS A CUSTOMER OF MINE! OH MY GOSH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY!? My brother and my parents still foolishly hold onto this church, and so do all of my friends despite the obvious signs of decay that come from bad leadership and a lack of the Bible in a place that needs it the most. The moment I move out is the moment I never set foot in that dreadful place again, but for now I'm stuck. And it drives me crazy.

TLDR: I'm was raised (and currently trapped) in a megachurch cult where the pastors are never to be questioned and their words matter more than the Bible. Despite endless complaints of the congregation none of them even think about leaving. I feel isolated because most people I know are apart of this church and need somewhere to air out my grievances.

Edit: Corrected grammar mistakes

I feel lost but found at the same time.

I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me for who I am, and I love her deeply as well. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a failure. Besides having her by my side, I feel like I have nothing to show for myself. I know I should be grateful, but I can’t help feeling like she could do better than me.

I struggle with feelings of inadequacy, especially when it comes to my body and my self-esteem. She reassures me that she’s happy with me, but sometimes it feels like she’s just saying that to make me feel better. On top of that, I feel like a failure for not having my own place. I’m living with my grandparents, and even though people tell me how lucky I am, I don’t feel lucky—I feel trapped. Not trapped in the relationship, but trapped in my own feelings of failure and the pressures from my family and everything else in life.

At the same time, there are moments when I’m really happy with where I am, especially because of how my girlfriend makes me feel. She brings me so much joy and helps me feel good about myself. But my emotions seem to come in waves—one moment I’m happy, then I’m sad, then I start reminiscing, and then I’m happy again. It’s like I’m constantly cycling through these feelings.

I’ve been applying for jobs constantly and managed to land a part-time position where my girlfriend works, but I haven’t started yet. Financially, I’m struggling. I’m over $200 in debt with only $30 left in another account that I need to use for gas. I can’t seem to get ahead no matter what I do. I owe money to my community college, and to another college I didn’t finish. I have credit card debt and my credit score is terrible because I keep making mistakes.

I feel lost, and I don’t know where to begin to dig myself out of this mess. I can’t say I’ve tried everything, but the things I have tried haven’t worked. I’m just not sure what to do anymore.

I am just typing. look at me go. i'm just a hard-working boy. ooooo i'm just such a hard worker. i really care about my job so muchhhh.

ugh i'm really just so lazy, i have big old titties. like we're talking real bazongers here. real hungalunganonomugungus here. I am the renowned big tiddied receptionist, my tits sag along the ground as i walk. dragging three feet behind my every step. the gravel and twigs tearing at the flesh of my voluptuous breasts. a snail trail of crimson following me everywhere i go.

I'm just working so hard on my work right now. I am such a hard worker. I am so tired. I really just would like to go to bed. it's rainy and cold. I just want some apple cider and a scary movie and a book or something. I think I'm gonna take a nap on my break.

Dude there is literally nothing to do today. I could like, idk, DO MY JOB. but we both know that's not gonna happen. So, why don't you just lick my tittlywink. what's something i could do to waste my time? i could play a pc game, but i feel like it would be too obvious that i'm not doing my job. Like when i do this, it looks like i'm actually doing something.

tippy tappy, look at my typey. i'm just a good lil receptionist. just a good sassy girl. zooweemama, i am just the hardest worker there is, i am just soooo tired. i want to go to beddddddd.

omg this one coworker, Tracie, is so fucking annoying. she like always complains about fucking everything, like this bitch will let us know about every single thing that bugs her. she genuinely annoys tf out of me.

i'm so deep in thought right now, like oooo imma look and pretend to ponder a thought for a second, and then continue. o just want to be a lazy bitch. is that too much to ask?

ugh i only have 15 more minutes and then i'm finally doen, i can be free and go smoke my brain to death. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i hate it here. maybe i should start looking for a new job, idk. what would be more fun? like i basically had the same job at the hotel, but it was so much more stressful. i could maybe be like a receptionist but for someone else.

no one can stop me, i am superwoman. AAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Im finally letting this guy go. Ive been friends with him for around a year and a few months ago he started getting really distant. He had opened up to me before about struggling with seasonal depression and as someone who would do anything thing for my friends, i gave him my all. I pushed down all the hurt he was causing me because i knew he needed support, but i realized that as hes got better hes continued to treat me the same. Distant and only talks to me enough to keep me around. It wasnt until i saw a Brittney broski video where she said “im going to let go of things that dont serve me and letting go im going to leave claw marks because i love some of those things/people” for some reason it just snapped for me. So fuck this guy. Im letting him go. Me knowing that i did everything i could for him, for us, its enough for me. I choose to be wanted.

I want to become a psychotherapist (and possibly teach psychology in high school if that can be juggled). I have been looking at the master's program at a nearby university. I just realized that I had been looking at the wrong type of program this entire time, and the proper program has a sooner deadline and requires GRE test scores. I am upset about this because now I have fewer options to choose from for school. But I would actually prefer doing the master's program at my current college because it's familiar, and the teachers are decent. However, I read that they get about 100-150 applicants and accept around 36-40. I have never had a job (I know that is terrible; no need to judge me as I do it constantly myself), I've never done an internship, and I have not been involved in my university at all. The only thing I do is get good grades, that's it. I am sure that the majority of people applying also get good grades, so I have 0 hope I will get accepted. I feel like a complete failure, to be honest. Also, I have really bad anxiety, and all this is quite literally destroying me. I've been chewing on my cheeks until my mouth bleeds, picking my skin. I look like a flipping meth head.